Ode to Michael Scott

I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody’s attention, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very

interested in what you have to say, [Michael is seen whispering to Jim, then Pam] that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention. Ooh! Things with Donna are so… oh-ho-ho! They’re going great. I, uh… we’re just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and… orally and I am not used to relationships going this well. I’m actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it! Andy, she’s not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. All right? And besides, who doesn’t tell their girlfriend that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? That’s like.. that’s like Mr. and Mrs. Smith crap. I have come here today to talk to Mr. David Wallace about this whole thing going on with Sabre. [rings doorbell] He will know exactly what to do. He is not a big fan of me dropping by announced. But then again, who is? [loud drumming as door opens] Hey. Hi, sorry.

All right, listen up. Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing. But, I am not going to take this lying down. I have a plan and I am going to save our jobs. So just hang in there. [Looks at Dwight] Let’s go. Hi Holly it’s Michael, I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said. It’s just. You know? It’s weird. Today I ended up seeing a lot of women that I used to date, and in my mind they were all great. And then when I actually saw them, it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must have been a real train wreck. You know what, Holly? You’re wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us. And talking to them today, I don’t feel for them anything like what I feel for you. I didn’t joke with any of them, I joked with you. You are the only one who was actua

lly happy to hear from me. And I don’t know why you downgraded what we had but I did not make us up. Ok. Oh, wait, and you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye. [slightly drunk] What am I gonna do? I’ll tell ya what I’m gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I’m gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I’m going to stop worrying about calories. No. No, no, no, no. I’ll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement. That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is… emotionally magnificent.